If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
