dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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