Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
