I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
