I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
