I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
