We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
