This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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