Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize