Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We're too hungover to prance.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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