the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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