we have officially lost it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
