in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
