He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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