so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
