I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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