I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
