Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
