i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
