My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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