Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
smell my finger.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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