I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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