Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
