i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
