There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
