I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We need to rekindle our bromance
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
