im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
