Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
