I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
