He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
