She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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