The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
