Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
