Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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