She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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