that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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