She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
