Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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