Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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