Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
