all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
