Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have fence marks all over my body
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
