that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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