Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
