You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
