did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
