lets start a swedish sibling band together
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
