I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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