I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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