My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
