1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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