It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
