I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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