I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
