wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
