you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
