I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
