Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
