The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
