okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
