I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm both gender and math confused
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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