New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
