i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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