dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
