Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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