Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize