I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
