Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
