Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
